


No Regrets: Part 3

by StormStreaks



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Dead Special Operations Squad | Squad Levi, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eren Yeager Has PTSD, Eren Yeager Has Panic Attacks, Eren Yeager-centric, Gen, Levi Has PTSD (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi-centric (Shingeki no Kyojin), New Special Operations Squad | New Squad Levi, Parental Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets Spoilers, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 18:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29530893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormStreaks/pseuds/StormStreaks
Summary: After living through one too many traumatic experiences in quick succession, Eren finally gets the chance to stop and reflect on everything that's happened.Or, I write Levi giving off dad vibes because there isn't enough of this out there.
Relationships: Eren Yeager & 104th Training Corps, Eren Yeager & New Special Operations Squad | New Squad Levi, Levi Ackerman & Eren Yeager, Levi Ackerman & Furlan Church & Isabel Magnolia, No Romantic Relationship(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 115





	No Regrets: Part 3

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for seasons 1-2 and the very first episode of season 3, along with the "No Regrets" OVA (parts 1 and 2, aka OVA episodes 4 and 5). TW for a panic attack and mentions of canon-typical violence + character death.
> 
> Also this is lowkey both my first time publishing on AO3 and my first time writing something for Attack on Titan/Shingeki no Kyojin, so if y'all have tag suggestions lemme know!

"Mikasa! Over here!" 

Mikasa whipped around, Armin calling her over from his spot by Jean and Connie in a nearby tree. She had to squint a bit when she made her way over to them, the trees blocking out most of the moonlight in front of their little cottage. 

"Any luck?" She asked as she grappled into the tree, her 3DM Gear whirring as the wiring rewound itself. Armin shook his head, a distant look fogging over his gaze. 

"That stupid bastard can't have gone far. He'll know his way back," Jean commented. When it didn't seem to settle the others, he added, "it's already dark out, so I say we leave him be and have the Captain question him later." 

Connie nodded in agreement, the bags under his eyes darker than nearly anyone else's. "We're all going through something right now. Just let Eren be for a bit. He's not stupid enough to have gone out of sight of the house, with the brass after him and Historia. He _also_ knows that the Captain would beat the shit out of him if he went too far away." 

Armin sighed at that. "Eren's probably close enough to hear us talking right now, all things considered. We know he's feeling guilty about everything that's happened, especially as of late, so he definitely didn't go far enough away where he could be easily kidnapped again." 

The others bowed their heads a bit, mixed emotions crossing everyone's faces. For a while, the only sound they heard was the cool night's breeze gliding through the trees and passing by their ears. After the tense moment of pause, Jean spoke up. 

"Listen, I stand by what I said when we were talking a few days ago. If he's worth the sacrifice…" He trailed off though, eyebrows furrowed in thought for a moment before he shook his head and sighed. 

"Nevermind. I'm heading back to the house, then. Sasha and Captain Levi probably need help getting dinner ready." 

With that, Jean swung away with his 3DM Gear, opting to walk back to the house once he ran out of trees. Connie gave Mikasa and Armin a nod as he stood up, using his 3DMG to get back to the house as well. 

Mikasa looked away from where Connie and Jean had been, deeper into the woods. She stood and took a deep breath, preparing to leap further into the trees, but Armin grabbed her arm. 

"Mikasa, maybe we should go back too. If Eren wanted to talk to us, he would've come out of his hiding spot after Jean and Connie left." 

Mikasa bit the inside of her cheek, indecision clear on her face as Armin turned back towards the house. 

"...What if… He needs us?" She asked, voice soft. Armin chuckled a bit at that, and responded in a quiet tone as well, "he already does, though he probably won't outright admit that he's having a hard time processing everything that happened. I know he'll come to us when he's ready though, so for now don't be pushy with him, alright?" 

Mikasa turned back to the woods again, as if considering going after Eren anyways, but eventually she sighed and nodded. 

"Yeah, you're right. Let's go back."

-

Levi had been cutting carrots when Jean and Connie walked in, both looking less animated than usual and the latter seemed to be absolutely exhausted. Upon seeing the Captain they both saluted, though it was sluggish at best. Levi waved them off, handing Jean a stack of bowls and Connie some silverware. 

"So, I heard that you guys lost Eren while I was gone?" Levi asked, and both of them froze before nodding slowly. 

"It's alright, he's probably just out front hiding under a tree or something for a little while. He'll be back soon, I'm sure." 

He paused, considering the carrot with narrowed eyes, before continuing,

"I _am_ going to be having a discussion with him when he comes back, though. He can't be running off right now."

That seemed to somewhat ease them, as they both nodded and started setting the table. 

"So then, where's Mikasa and Armin?" 

Connie just shrugged, opting to let others do the talking for him (which, according to the other members of Levi's new squad, was a novel habit and considered to be very out of character for him). Jean stepped up, saying, "I guess they're lagging behind. Armin's probably trying to convince Mikasa to not go on a wild goose chase for Eren right now."

As if on cue, the front door opened again, and in walked Armin with a very defeated looking Mikasa trailing behind him. They too saluted the Captain when they came into the kitchen, and Levi dismissed them nonchalantly before turning over to the stove where Sasha and Historia were making the side dishes. 

"Sasha, how are the potatoes coming? You didn't eat them all, did you?" 

At that, others in the room started snickering while Sasha yelped in surprise, almost dropping the spoon. 

"G-Good, sir! They're almost done, actually!"

Levi nodded. "And Historia? How is the soup? I'm almost done with these carrots, and then we'll just have to wait a few minutes before we can eat." 

Historia opted to remain quiet, so she just turned to Levi and gave him a quick thumbs up before she continued cooking. 

"Sir, do you need help with anything else?" Jean asked, and Levi considered them before rolling his eyes and scoffing. 

"You all have dirt and tree sap on you. There's no way in _hell_ I'll allow you to touch anything else in this kitchen until you go wash up. I shouldn't have even let you two help me set the table earlier," Levi said with a scowl, gesturing to Connie and Jean near the end of his sentence. 

"Now go get cleaned up, and don't you dare track mud through the house." 

-

As soon as he heard that Mikasa and Armin had zipped away, Eren slumped against the tree, barely even registering the branches from nearby bushes that were clawing at his ribs through his shirt. He despised the feeling of weakness that was welling up from within, but there was nothing he could do now to stop the tempest of thoughts abusing his mind. They were circling around, as if chasing each other, and damn were their teeth sharp. 

All at once, he was recalling everything that had happened recently. 

How Levi's entire squad had _died_ because he made the wrong call. Why did they have to die? Eren should've just transformed, but he was naive. He assumed that his childhood heroes would actually be able to match the strength of a Titan who he _knew_ had killed all of the Survey Corps members that were gliding behind him. 

He had trusted the members of his squad because of their little apology stunt the night after the spoon incident. He had also trusted them because _Captain Levi_ chose them, and he was an incredible soldier with a good head on his shoulders, so _surely_ it made sense to put his faith in them, right?

Apparently though, Eren was still too weak to do anything. Too weak to make the right choice. Too weak to protect his squad. And of course, almost as if it was a punishment, he was the only one left standing. Well, him and Captain Levi. 

_Levi has to blame me too, right? He practically gave me permission to transform and fight, and I still chose to go against my gut. Hell, he probably hates me. I'm sure he can't wait until I go berserk so he can get rid of me…_

And besides Levi's squad, how many _other_ people died trying to protect him? Would they have lived longer, happier lives had they not fought so hard to save him? Would they be home right now, with their families, if he had been stronger? 

Not just the members of Levi's squad and the rest who went on the 57th Expedition Outside the Walls, but also everyone who had died trying to save him from Reiner and Bertholdt too. After all, how _dare_ he allow his rage to take over? It was because of him losing control that Annie had been able to capture him. And later on, he was too weak to put up a real fight, so he had been captured _again_ by Reiner and Bertholdt. So many people continued to die because of _him_. He was too weak to fight on his own, and too rowdy in battle to ever think straight. It was _because of him_ that the Survey Corps and Military Police alike have lost so many good soldiers. 

How even now, Levi's new squad was made up of his friends, who were on the front lines trying to protect and hide him again, and here he was, in the woods-

_Are my friends going to die because of me?_

Eren bit back the bile that rose in his throat at the thought. Despite how angry the thought made him feel, it didn't stay long. Soon it was replaced by cold fear and a heavy sense of hopelessness. He couldn't protect Hannes from that Titan who killed his mother. He was weak, once again. He failed to shift in time, and now his last caretaker from his younger days was gone. He couldn't protect Mikasa either, and even if Jean and Armin were right about him controlling Titans, it was still just them helping him. What good did it do if he couldn't fight for himself? What use was he to his friends? To his comrades? To the cause? He couldn't protect anyone, especially not his friends. 

_Why do people keep dying for me if I'm still a worthless little kid?_

With the tall trees looming overhead, the chilly air around him suddenly felt a lot heavier. There was a buzz to the atmosphere as Eren's heart hammered erratically in his chest. It was roaring in his ears, but it wasn't nearly as loud as the Titans were, as Eren usually was, especially those times when he roared as he charged after Annie, and Reiner, and-

Eren stood, stumbling out of the bushes, their claws clinging to him as much as guilt and grief was. The buzz in the air around him was tighter now somehow, much closer to his ears, which _still_ only contained the sound of his heartbeat, and the screams of his mother, the Titan was right _there, in front of his face, and his mother-_

"Eren?" 

-

Mikasa had been absentmindedly rinsing out her bowl when Armin said, "you know, I thought Eren would be back by now. I figured that he'd walk right in as soon as we finished dinner."

Mikasa nodded, concern drawing her eyebrows together as a faint pang of fear pulsed in her stomach. 

"Maybe Cap should go check on him," Jean uttered lowly, looking over his shoulder and in the direction Captain Levi was. 

Connie hummed in agreement, setting the clean pot back under the sink before saying "it's been almost forty minutes since we came back inside for dinner." 

Armin and Mikasa exchanged a look. 

"Maybe we should go out and-" 

"I don't know Armin, maybe it should just be me-"

"But Mikasa-"

"Enough."

Armin and Mikasa looked behind them, the Captain now watching the duo with his usual expression as he set down his tea. 

"Neither of you will be talking to Eren until _I_ bring him back. Even then, I'm not sure what kind of shape he's going to be in, so I don't want you pestering him, alright?" 

Armin and Mikasa nodded, watching in surprise as Levi put on his jacket and picked up a lantern from the end table near the hallway. When he headed for the door, Armin caught how the Captain seemed to be favoring his bad leg, but was trying to hide it. With a glance to Mikasa, he could tell that she had noticed it too, based on the mixed emotions shown in her gaze now. 

"Damn brat. You better not have gone far," they faintly heard Levi mutter under his breath as he walked out the door. 

-

"Eren?" 

Eren froze up, staring at Levi for a solid three or so seconds before he seemed to recognize him. He then attempted to straighten up, though his eyes were starting to have a faraway look to them. 

"Uh… C-Captain Levi? Sir! I-I'm really… S-So… I-" 

Levi didn't say anything at first, watching as Eren started wheezing, his gaze completely unfocused now and his whole frame shaking. 

_Dammit, I knew this was going to happen eventually, but still…_

Levi set his lantern down in the grass, kneeling a bit before asking, "Eren? Can you hear me?" 

There was a faint nod, tears coming down faster now than they were initially. 

"Okay, that's good. Can I come over there and help you sit down?" 

Another nod, and Levi slowly approached Eren, successfully avoiding startling him when he lifted his trembling frame slightly. He set him against the nearest tree, moving the lantern again so that the light was closer to Eren. 

Levi sat down in front of him, noting how Eren had been slipping further into a flashback and was struggling to breathe properly now. 

_Shit, don't pass out on me, brat._

"Okay kid, where are you?" Was the first thing Levi asked. 

"S-Shiganshina…" Eren managed to rasp out after several long seconds, and Levi gritted his teeth. 

_Dammit._

"Eren, can I move closer to you?" After a brief nod Levi moved next to him, not even bothering to acknowledge how the tree sap on Eren's shirt was now clinging to his jacket. 

"Eren, can you try to breathe with me? We're in the woods outside the cottage right now. Mikasa and Armin are safe." After another weak nod from Eren, Levi slowed and exaggerated his breathing, all while rubbing circles on the back of Eren's hand with his thumb to try and ground him. He had picked it up from Hange, who had done it for him many times.

 _Once his breathing evens out, I can always try Erwin's method too. It might help ground him more once he's not hyperventilating_ , Levi worked out, thinking ahead. 

Eren followed Levi, his breathing becoming less desperate and his expression a bit more relaxed, though he was still shaking and Levi could feel his pulse insistently hammering against the inside of his wrist when he felt for it. 

"Alright Eren, I want you to name five things you see. Do you think you do that?" Levi asked, careful to keep his tone soft so that it wouldn't sound like an order. Eren nodded, his blue-green gaze flitting about. 

"There's a b-bunch of t-trees… The moon… S-Some clouds… The grass… That l-lantern… You?" Voice trembling, he phrased the last bit like a question, and Levi nodded. 

"Yeah kid, I'm here. Name four things you feel." 

Eren paused for a bit again before saying, "uh… The tree… My s-shirt… Your hand… My b-boots… And the g-grass."

Levi nodded again. "Name three things you hear." 

They continued all the way through the list of senses, Eren's rapid heart rate calming considerably and his breathing easing. Levi let go of his hand and moved back in front of him, taking his jacket off and handing it to Eren. 

"Here kid, it's getting kind of cold out, and I have a feeling that this conversation is long overdue. You should probably get comfy, because this'll take a while." 

Eren's eyes moved to the ground as he put it on, the teen deciding to draw his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. 

"Oh… Okay." 

Levi leaned back, trying to appear more relaxed and wanting to help keep Eren from feeling so defensive. 

"Eren, you're not in trouble. I just want to know what's going on." 

Eren nodded, taking a deep, shaky breath, before explaining everything. How he felt as if the guilt was eating him alive, how he felt as if he was worthless because he couldn't fight on his own, and how he saw the Titan that ate his mother proceed to eat Hannes, all because he failed to transform. By the end of it, heavy tears were spilling over the edges of his cheeks, and he was suppressing his sobs. 

"I just… I guess that everything has been moving so fast since I graduated, and even faster since I joined the Survey Corps, that it's all catching up to me now. It's like, since we've got a break, I can't stop thinking about everything that's happened," Eren said, voice threatening to break again as he talked around the lump in his throat. 

"Captain… I'm sorry. For letting your squad die, and for disappointing you. I understand if you'd prefer to just kill me." 

Levi couldn't help but be stunned by that, a bitter pang stabbing him in his gut. 

"Eren, I'm not mad at you or disappointed in you. I _definitely_ have no desire to kill you over it. As far as the day of the Expedition… You made a judgement call. Simple as that."

With those words, Eren seemed incredibly down casted.

"But don't regret it. _That's_ an order." 

Eren's face jolted up to look at Levi, the expression on it a cross between "excuse me what the fuck" and "what the hell is this guy on". 

"Someone wise once told me that if we begin to regret, then we dull all our future decisions, and let others make our choices for us." Levi paused, gauging Eren's reaction, before saying, "all that's left for us then is to die."

Eren's expression dulled, so Levi put a hand on his shoulder. 

"This wise person _also_ told me that nobody can foretell the outcome. Each decision we make holds meaning only by affecting our next decision." 

Levi then stood up, offering his hand to Eren. 

"So, try to keep your chin up, greenhorn. I don't hate you for what happened to my squad or anyone else's, and I guarantee you that no one else does either. Not Hange, not Erwin, and not even Nile Dok, that bastard." 

Eren smiled weakly at the comment about the Commander of the Military Police, but his smile didn't last. 

"Thanks Captain. You didn't have to come out here and help me through… Whatever _that_ was," Eren said, taking Levi's hand and standing. 

"Kid, I'm legally your guardian right now, aren't I? So it's kind of my job to help you." Levi then frowned a bit. 

"By the way, according to Hange, ' _that_ ' was called a panic attack. Expect more of them. They're a common phenomenon here in the wondrous world of the military," he said, unable to hold back the bitter sarcasm that he was trying to keep under wraps. 

As they walked back to the house, Levi sighed, lowering the lantern slightly. 

"Kid, I can't promise you that your friends won't die," he started, and Eren tensed up next to him. 

"But they knew that the Survey Corps was risky when they picked their regiment. So, when something bad happens, _and it will happen_ , try to not be so harsh on yourself, alright? I know it'll be tough, but as Scouts, it's our job to move forward." With an annoyed _tch_ , he added, "whether we want to or not." 

Beside him, Eren nodded. 

"I… Understand, sir. Thank you." 

As they finally neared the porch, the breeze picked up, making the lantern in Levi's hand swing back and forth. The stars overhead were brighter, now that there was less tree cover. 

Eren looked over to Levi, asking, "hey Cap, who was that wise person you were quoting back there?" 

Levi looked to the stars as the trees continued to thin out, thinking back to that day. 

"Commander Erwin, actually. Back when I was on my very first Expedition." 

Eren seemed moderately surprised. 

"I take it that it didn't go well?" 

_Furlan's mangled torso, Isabel's head without her body, their blood running into rain puddles and mixing with whatever was left of their comrades-_

"No." He answered simply. "It did not."

When Eren seemed discouraged by Levi's colder tone, he added, "but that's a story I can tell you another day."

Eren nodded in understanding before Levi grabbed the handle on the front door of the house. 

"Now, since you're supposed to be under our watch now that the government is hunting you and Historia down, I'm going to need you to stay inside unless someone else is with you. If you start feeling shitty again, come and get me." Levi then turned to look towards the door before saying, "or Mikasa and Armin, since I have a feeling that you'll be explaining all of this to them too."

Eren nodded. "Understood, sir. Thank you."

Levi then turned the doorknob. 

"Prepare yourself, Mikasa is going to kill you," he said, before opening the door. 


End file.
